Back in the Saddle

No horses involved, but the analogy holds. I'm not sure that anyone checks in here anymore, which is why I feel free to post that we are attempting an FET (frozen embryo transfer) in the next few months. It's still a process that's very similar to IVF, but less pricey and the embryos are already created.

So, to really catch up, we are parents to IM, who turned two in late May. He's the greatest child ever - I can't even begin to explain how awesome he is and how grateful we are. Sure, he hasn't taken a decent nap all Labor Day weekend (what is going on?) and we're working through small acts of disobedience, but he's two and we're all in this together. He needs a sibling.

We left off after our first IVF pregnant with IM, which turned into an eventful pregnancy - I'll try and detail that somewhere soon. After that kid was eight weeks old and gaining weight everything was golden and I returned to work a little after that, nursed and pumped, then we moved home, lived with my parents for six months and then moved out to the country. Somewhere in there I got a high powered (high stress) job, we live in this tiny house (a rental) and still own the house in the city two hours away where we no longer live (renters are in it - they are okay, sort of). I stayed home with IM for a little over three months and went crazy, we've been through four care providers and now, I think, it's all settled. It's been a learning experience for sure. I'm just hoping for well-adjusted - for all of us, really.

I caught baby fever when IM was about 18 months old. The world didn't stop for us. There were well-intentioned comments to the effect of: maybe you'll be able to get pregnant on your own this time! Again, well-intentioned, but I was fairly certain in my heart that wasn't going to happen. No precautions were taken and there have been no hints at a pregnancy. Which is great and heartbreaking - I have a dual mind about it all: wouldn't it be so great to just have SEX and get pregnant? oh the possibilities! oh the cost savings! but, wait, what about those embryos? C and I had a bit of an ethical quandary after IM was here, you know, living, breathing, being 50% me and 50% C - those embryos, we can't give them away (our feelings, only) with each one of them the actual possibility of a full sibling to IM. So maybe it's better that we're still the sex-without-consequences (if consequences = lovely babies) couple because we have to (I go between use-up and give-a-chance-at-life-to phrasing) our frozen possibilities. How's that for a thought process that will give you a headache. Anyway, it's all worked out, because we need to use those embryos, because I still don't get pregnant by sex. It's my thing.

Finally, all of something aligned (rusty trucks in the backyard?) and we're in a position to do an FET (financially, emotionally, etc.) and it's basically crazy all over again. You didn't think I would sugar coat it all starting now, did you? This time, we add in a cherished two year old, an extra busy husband, rural living, high stress job, trips two hours away for dr appts and the increased risk(?) of twins and triplets. This is on top of the drug protocol (I hate birth control, I'm great at subcutaneous injections, what are these patches and oh, thought I'd escaped the terrible vag cream and intramuscular shots). I'm already tired. Now you kind of understand why I had to talk myself into making the important call to the dr. Not to mention, pregnancy was not a treat for me last time. Not fun, not cute, not relaxing. And the ending was a combination of unfortunate events. And I don't trust a single ob within 30 minutes of us (long story).

Otherwise, we're really excited because this might be the beginning of little dude or dudette #2 (or #2 and #3, dear lord). That, I'm ready for - a little person. Just hoping it all works. And keeping you all in the loop. You're welcome.