9dp5dt HCG Levels
IF people know that code, but it translates to nine days past a five day (age of embryos) transfer. You'll also see 14dpo (days past ovulation), but since I didn't really ovulate (my sea turtle eggs were retrieved, thank you), the title is more accurate. It's also the date on which my clinic does the first HCG beta.
Mine was 194. Anything over 5 is pregnant. So, despite me practically convincing myself the opposite, I am a little tiny bit pregnant. By the numbers. I cried when I asked the nurse if it was good news or bad news and continued crying through the rest of the call. While reminding her I needed another prescription for suppositories (gel = way better). Then I hyperventilated. Sister B talked me down.
Then I got to call C. Whose response was something like, "No shit?" Which, in all reality, is my response as well. Because we don't get pregnant. Anyway, his boss proceeded to buy him lunch. Which is only worth mentioning because I wanted Mexican food and C took me to the same restaurant he had lunch at. Funny guy.
We're cautiously optimistic. I have another blood test on Thursday morning and the HCG number needs to double for this to be a viable pregnancy. We're trying really hard to take one day at a time and enjoy every moment - just hyperaware that it might not last.
Symptoms: nothing that can't be attributed to the progesterone: nausea (not terrible), insane hunger & thirst, sore swollen chest, gas, waking to go to the bathroom at night, exhaustion, bloating (actually, the post-retrieval pain and bloating have returned, which makes me think I had a real mild case of OHSS, because if HCG triggers it, then the first round was triggered by the HCG shot and this round by actual pregnant HCG in my bloodstream) and so I feel like crap and am wondering if this is just how it's going to be. Which is just fine with me. For awhile.
- Posted from my mobile phone
11dp5dt and Hoping
There is something akin to hope waking up in my life. I went back to the clinic this morning to have a second bloodraw.
N, the receptionist (whom I've had to warm up to me), smiled and said, "You have good numbers."
B, the lab tech, smiled and told me congratulations. He said I looked much happier and much calmer this morning. He also said that they were all so excited when my test came back positive. While he hasn't been there the whole time, I've been a patient for three entire years as of September this year.
Nurse J called this morning and wanted to make sure I had my prescription for the progesterone. And she told me my HCG was 456, which is perfect and the doubling I needed. So we scheduled an early ob (her words) ultrasound in about two weeks.
I want to see a heartbeat. That's the next step. I still feel like crap - all this tugging and stretching and cramping in my abdomen. But it's okay.
- Posted from my mobile phone
Five Weeks
1. Feeling so grateful and blessed to be pregnant. It's a little bit surreal, as our last pregnancy was celebrated almost five years ago.
2. I look pregnant. To me. I'm still a little swollen from enlarged ovaries from the IVF process. And I put on some weight during that same process. I am not imagining this as there is not a pair of my pants I can zip or button.
- Posted from my mobile phone
- Posted from my mobile phone
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
A Little Bit
Thoughts:
I’m not sure where to begin. I didn’t think we would get this far. I didn’t think that I’d be one of those women. I expected more statistical anomalies, and simply, more hardship and grief. It was still going to hurt, but I was prepared. And now we are here. I’m pregnant, closing in on 20 weeks and a fetal anatomy ultrasound. It’s been incredibly surreal inside my head.
Physical:
Seventeen weeks yesterday (on the 17th!). Heard a very strong heartbeat about a week ago while with the midwife. Have a very small (probably only visible to me) bulge. Haven’t felt discernable movement yet, but I hear that is around the corner. Lots of abdominal pulling and stretching and dull aching – most likely growing, rearranging and some round ligament pain. I don’t think that I’ll get through this entire pregnancy without a maternity support belt/wrap thing. The sciatic/sacrum shooting pains have taken a break and I’m feeling better for the most part (thank you physical therapy). Walking and sitting no longer cause the pain that they did previously. My back hurts while sleeping and I need to invest in one of those pillows they talk about. I’m still wearing most of my clothes – two or three pairs of pants button & zip – the rest are adaptable. Shirts are actually my problem as I still can’t stand anything tight around my stomach area (and lower) that exerts discernable pressure and shirts have been stretching across the upper (ahem) and lower regions of my torso in some unflattering ways. I love tank tops (soft), roomy shirts, PJ pants/sweats and my slippers. Leggings and dresses are very close second favorites. I *think* the fatigue and nausea are on their way out, but hate to tempt them back. Been eating fairly well and still trying to drink enough during the day.
Thoughts:
We’ve been discussing some baby things: names, feeding, a Plan, labor, etc., but all in a very theoretical way. I hear myself saying “When the baby is here . . .” and I mean it, but I don’t really know. I have considered the fact that no matter how this goes down, we’re meeting our health insurance’s out-of-pocket maximum this year (whether it is all wonderful or something goes south). I’m starting to believe it might just happen. I might get huge and (even more) uncomfortable. I might get the chance to deliver at the birth center with the calming midwives. I might bring home a real live baby. Who might grow up to be wonderful. Maybe. It’s scary.
Generosity:
The comments on the post with the announcement. Those are precious to me. Thank you for your continued prayers and well-wishes. Despite my defensiveness (I’m continually working on it), most people have responded in a generous way to our news. Lots of excitement and celebration from parents and friends. There is talk of showers, which aren’t so worrisome anymore, and generous offers of car seats, clothing, toys, etc. There have been joyous texts, cards and emails in my inbox. Most of my direct coworkers know and are supportive, even if they want to talk about pregnancy every five minutes (I don’t at all – I just want to live day-to-day through this) and continually ask me how I’m feeling (uh, fine). I know that some are really curious and the others are looking for a way to connect, so I’ve cut them a lot of slack – we all know that I’m not the easiest person to be around (especially if I’m hungry – then I’m just mean). From a very petty place: I’m waiting for the comments about how I’m carrying and the hands reaching for my belly and the rude comments (which hopefully never come).
Final thoughts:
I bitch and complain a lot. I whine. I seem very ungrateful at times. I am, we are, so very grateful. For so many things: science, medicine, hope, love, faith, family, friends, support, and prayers. I’m trying to work a little more patience and grace into my life. I am grateful for this pregnancy and the child I hope results from it. That is the bottom line.
- Posted from my mobile phone
I’m not sure where to begin. I didn’t think we would get this far. I didn’t think that I’d be one of those women. I expected more statistical anomalies, and simply, more hardship and grief. It was still going to hurt, but I was prepared. And now we are here. I’m pregnant, closing in on 20 weeks and a fetal anatomy ultrasound. It’s been incredibly surreal inside my head.
Physical:
Seventeen weeks yesterday (on the 17th!). Heard a very strong heartbeat about a week ago while with the midwife. Have a very small (probably only visible to me) bulge. Haven’t felt discernable movement yet, but I hear that is around the corner. Lots of abdominal pulling and stretching and dull aching – most likely growing, rearranging and some round ligament pain. I don’t think that I’ll get through this entire pregnancy without a maternity support belt/wrap thing. The sciatic/sacrum shooting pains have taken a break and I’m feeling better for the most part (thank you physical therapy). Walking and sitting no longer cause the pain that they did previously. My back hurts while sleeping and I need to invest in one of those pillows they talk about. I’m still wearing most of my clothes – two or three pairs of pants button & zip – the rest are adaptable. Shirts are actually my problem as I still can’t stand anything tight around my stomach area (and lower) that exerts discernable pressure and shirts have been stretching across the upper (ahem) and lower regions of my torso in some unflattering ways. I love tank tops (soft), roomy shirts, PJ pants/sweats and my slippers. Leggings and dresses are very close second favorites. I *think* the fatigue and nausea are on their way out, but hate to tempt them back. Been eating fairly well and still trying to drink enough during the day.
Thoughts:
We’ve been discussing some baby things: names, feeding, a Plan, labor, etc., but all in a very theoretical way. I hear myself saying “When the baby is here . . .” and I mean it, but I don’t really know. I have considered the fact that no matter how this goes down, we’re meeting our health insurance’s out-of-pocket maximum this year (whether it is all wonderful or something goes south). I’m starting to believe it might just happen. I might get huge and (even more) uncomfortable. I might get the chance to deliver at the birth center with the calming midwives. I might bring home a real live baby. Who might grow up to be wonderful. Maybe. It’s scary.
Generosity:
The comments on the post with the announcement. Those are precious to me. Thank you for your continued prayers and well-wishes. Despite my defensiveness (I’m continually working on it), most people have responded in a generous way to our news. Lots of excitement and celebration from parents and friends. There is talk of showers, which aren’t so worrisome anymore, and generous offers of car seats, clothing, toys, etc. There have been joyous texts, cards and emails in my inbox. Most of my direct coworkers know and are supportive, even if they want to talk about pregnancy every five minutes (I don’t at all – I just want to live day-to-day through this) and continually ask me how I’m feeling (uh, fine). I know that some are really curious and the others are looking for a way to connect, so I’ve cut them a lot of slack – we all know that I’m not the easiest person to be around (especially if I’m hungry – then I’m just mean). From a very petty place: I’m waiting for the comments about how I’m carrying and the hands reaching for my belly and the rude comments (which hopefully never come).
Final thoughts:
I bitch and complain a lot. I whine. I seem very ungrateful at times. I am, we are, so very grateful. For so many things: science, medicine, hope, love, faith, family, friends, support, and prayers. I’m trying to work a little more patience and grace into my life. I am grateful for this pregnancy and the child I hope results from it. That is the bottom line.
- Posted from my mobile phone
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