I'm always real, actually. But I just took an action that made my/our future plans real. Thousands of dollars will now not be coming home with me next year. They will instead sit in an account, pre-taxed, and ready to be spent on medical things. I can't get that money back, which means I have to spend it on something. And prescription designer sunglasses only cost so much.
Which means that we'll have to do something much bigger and spendy to blow through this medical cash. Oh dear. We'll actually have to do it.
- Posted from my mobile phone
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I Had a Dream
Not a MLK Jr. reference. I had another type of dream. It was sort of graphic and I'm not going to edit here, so you have been warned.
I was pregnant, but not really, because I had just birthed the baby. Like just pushed her out of my vagina. And I was so happy. Like crying happy. The nurse in the room wanted me to see (?) how well I'd done, so she had me hold a mirror up to the sacred vagina of the moments-ago birth to look around and see that there was no tearing or any other injury. For some reason she wanted me to know that this time, my body had done exactly what it was supposed to - and perfectly at that (can you determine the psychological ramifications for me in her determination?). Then she ran this wand over my midsection that showed the blood-flow so that the nurse could determine everything internally was as it should be.
Fast forward to them handing me my daughter and trying to get her to nurse (me fumbling as I try and hold her correctly). FF again, and I am at home putting her little socks on and fretting about her clothing (does she need an under-onesie? Will this outfit keep her warm enough?). And that was about it. The very warm and calm nurse was actually J, a real nurse (not L&D nurse though) that I worked with at the doctors' office earlier this year.
I can see little reasons why this dream came to me at this time: we've had three baby boys born in the last few weeks and I've held or seen fantastic pictures of all of them. Also saw an adorable 4mo baby boy on Sun. Went to visit the office where nurseJ works on Mon briefly and she is 38 weeks with her second daughter. And I know that's a lot with pregnancies and babies. But I like to think dreams have a purpose, whether to disturb, scare, amuse, provide hope, joy, or happiness - a purpose. Not sure what this one was about. There was definitely feelings of rightness, contentment, and honestly, radiant joy. Through the entire dream, I felt so happy that I feared I might explode and spill gooey, non-washable happiness onto everything.
I'm not sure what the purpose of this dream was. It didn't upset me or cause me grief and pain. I don't see it as a message that we will definitely be parents, have a baby girl, or that I will someday be pregnant and able to deliver "perfectly." It is what it is and I'm pretty sure that is okay with me.
Which might just mean that for right now I (we) am (are) okay (reading in-between the lines this means that we have a plan which I may one day let all of you in on, because we all know how unstable and, uh, downright mean and nasty I get without a plan. You don't think I get mean? Aww, that's sweet - have a little conversation with C, okay?).
- Posted from my mobile phone
I was pregnant, but not really, because I had just birthed the baby. Like just pushed her out of my vagina. And I was so happy. Like crying happy. The nurse in the room wanted me to see (?) how well I'd done, so she had me hold a mirror up to the sacred vagina of the moments-ago birth to look around and see that there was no tearing or any other injury. For some reason she wanted me to know that this time, my body had done exactly what it was supposed to - and perfectly at that (can you determine the psychological ramifications for me in her determination?). Then she ran this wand over my midsection that showed the blood-flow so that the nurse could determine everything internally was as it should be.
Fast forward to them handing me my daughter and trying to get her to nurse (me fumbling as I try and hold her correctly). FF again, and I am at home putting her little socks on and fretting about her clothing (does she need an under-onesie? Will this outfit keep her warm enough?). And that was about it. The very warm and calm nurse was actually J, a real nurse (not L&D nurse though) that I worked with at the doctors' office earlier this year.
I can see little reasons why this dream came to me at this time: we've had three baby boys born in the last few weeks and I've held or seen fantastic pictures of all of them. Also saw an adorable 4mo baby boy on Sun. Went to visit the office where nurseJ works on Mon briefly and she is 38 weeks with her second daughter. And I know that's a lot with pregnancies and babies. But I like to think dreams have a purpose, whether to disturb, scare, amuse, provide hope, joy, or happiness - a purpose. Not sure what this one was about. There was definitely feelings of rightness, contentment, and honestly, radiant joy. Through the entire dream, I felt so happy that I feared I might explode and spill gooey, non-washable happiness onto everything.
I'm not sure what the purpose of this dream was. It didn't upset me or cause me grief and pain. I don't see it as a message that we will definitely be parents, have a baby girl, or that I will someday be pregnant and able to deliver "perfectly." It is what it is and I'm pretty sure that is okay with me.
Which might just mean that for right now I (we) am (are) okay (reading in-between the lines this means that we have a plan which I may one day let all of you in on, because we all know how unstable and, uh, downright mean and nasty I get without a plan. You don't think I get mean? Aww, that's sweet - have a little conversation with C, okay?).
- Posted from my mobile phone
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