Well, being off work for a little bit might result in more blogging. Because, what else am I supposed to do with my feet up? I'd explain the long, stressful story about why I can't buy things, but I might save that one so my BP doesn't go sky high.
I am worried that some of these issues I'm having are my fault (everyone, including midwives and C say no) and that somehow makes me a bad mom. Already. Haven't even gotten the kid earthside and a bad mother.
I am worried that if my issues don't get any better (and the scary word the midwives haven't used and we are not using is preeclamsia - Google it) that they'll have to take the baby, which worries me because: premature baby, feeding/breathing issues, pitocin induction, cesarean, etc.
I am worried that we don't have a car seat yet. Or a pack n play, which we are planning to use the bassinet part on. I also haven't figured out diapers and what if breastfeeding doesn't go well?
I'm worried that my mom is out of town and is going out of town again in early June. I will need my mom if something happens.
I'm worried that I'm using up my "maternity" leave to stay home with my feet up for half days. While I understand how necessary, I was really looking forward to 12 weeks with the little one.
I am aware that worrying isn't doing me any good and isn't helping my health issues, so what I'm going to do is this: keep my feet up, rest a bit longer, go find a few things to eat with loads of protein (maybe some eggs, kefir, Greek yogurt to start the day off?), take alfalfa sprouts, chlorophyll, and a probiotic (per mw), hydrate like it is going out of style, keep an eye out for the baby gear we still need, and talk to HR when I get into work today to see what the plan is. I think I can handle that today.
Childbirth Education II for tomorrow morning - newborn care, and Water in Labor and Birth tomorrow afternoon (if we choose a waterbirth). I can deliver at the birth center as long as I reach 37 weeks, so that is the nearest goal right now.
1 comment:
I know that worry and the heaviness of everything is overwhelming right now. But when it starts to suffocate you. Or you feel smothered by the little details (and the big ones) Just focus on the amazing JOY that is growing inside your body. The culmination of your patience, persistence and determination. Those things alone qualify you as a wonderful mama. And nothing will change that. This baby is already blessed to be yours. So take a deep breath and tell yourself 3 things that your look forward to. Close your eyes and visualize that sweet head resting in your arms. And don't try to figure it out yet. I LOVE YOU! I am praying for you and sending lots of happy vibes your way.
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