The Dress, the Details, the Dirty

Sometimes it is days like today that I just don't like. Or like, but am really wary about. {Ask me why.} You risk another bulleted list with that question, you know. I'll attempt not to bullet - for your sake.

The good: I looked super cute today in a really Anne-type way. Dark grey suiting cloth short sleeved dress, over a black long sleeve tee, purple E.G. Smith tights (I always think that they cost WAY too much at $25/pair, but after I wear them for a day, I then always realize that they are SO worth the money - and they come in awesome colors), over-the-knee dark grey/silver sparkle/light grey striped socks, tall black pointy boots, light grey cashmere scarf, and an extra long cream merino scarf with pastel rainbow polka dots (the last one is my winter scarf and since it was cold in the office, I kept it on for most of the day). Anyway, super cute - even the nurses thought so. I was dressed like this because today is a) my five year wedding anniversary with C, and b) supposed to be the day I started my certification for a possible university instructor position. Honestly, that kind of dress is about as professional as I get. It was even warm, except walking through snow in the boots because they were definitely not made to walk through snow. Today, my Jeep was done (almost, we find out) at the body shop after being fixed up from that little scrape up with C's work truck on Christmas Eve. So nice to have the Jeep back just in time to go uptown for the certification course . . . and then at 2pm, it is postponed to next Thursday due to the weather! Which means that C invited me out for an anniversary dinner (this NEVER happens - he actually back-owes me on anniversary and birthday dinners). So we went to Applebee's because, well, it was there. I had a really nice time with the husband. So glad he is my husband.

The bad: Okay, I'm not sure if it is really bad just yet. But it is worrisome. I'm on CD 21 (I know that I don't usually tell y'all this much, but this time it is definitely part of my story) of a medicated IUI cycle. Due to some shy follicles, or my complete disinterest in taking my medication this time around, our IUI was pushed to CD 14 instead of CD 13, and, we actually did an IUI this time! Anyway, all of that is no big deal, except for the bleeding and cramping tonight, on CD 21. Those of you that know understand that this isn't good because a) it is not what is supposed to happen (and I always have super regular cycles with induced ovulation), b) again, we just wasted a bunch of money on a busted cycle, and c) um, with so many unknowns, I have to give the doctor another why? to figure out. This is why I get a little sick of the infertility game. For those of you that don't really get what I'm talking about, this cycle and every other cycle we do are supposed to look like this: CD 1-3 bleed, CD 3-7 take the tiny yellow pills, CD 12 get wanded and count follicles and get a shot in the rump, CD 13/14 IUI, CD 27/28/29 blood pregnancy test/begin bleeding. CD 21 bleeding = seven days too early = what in the world happened/is something wrong? I am really sick of being the 5000 piece puzzle with eight pieces missing. I am actually concerned/want answers enough that I called my clinic and left a message for the nurse: "Hi, I'm bleeding on CD 21 after an IUI on CD 14 and I'm just wanting to know if you have any idea why? Okay, thanks, bye."

Dunno: I saw the urogynecologist, Dr. B, on Tuesday. The downside is that I have issues, numerous and serious. The upside is that Dr. B can treat all of these issues, they are incredibly interrelated, we are beginning a number of treatments within the next week and a half, and with treatment, these issues should drastically improve, if not resolve completely. Treatment is multifaceted and will last at least three or four months. What I have is called Pelvic Floor Tension Myalgia (PFTM) and it occurs when the pelvic floor muscles are too tight. If you think of the pelvic floor as a bowl shape and consider that the muscles surround all organs and line the bowl, if these muscles are too tight, they affect absolutely everything: reproductive organs (although not likely to be the source of my infertility), bladder, urethra, vagina, rectum, colon, etc. Quite honestly, I have pain or issues in all of these areas, which makes me a classic case. In fact, that was the phrase the doctor used: classic case. From this, I gain hope that this doctor will be able to help me; he's obviously seen these issues before AND he is the most recommended doctor in the area for these issues. We are totally getting started on treating this and soon, I will not have to worry about these issues. I've been vague because I figure you all already get too many details from the infertility front, but if anyone has any questions about all of these other issues, I would be glad to share more on the blog or privately. PFTM is not a subject discussed much at all, but even less at my age.

Everything mentioned above is adding up to A LOT to deal with for me, so I am trying to take it one step at a time. The doctor appointments alone have about pushed me over the edge, and now I have to work in the certification course as well. We'll see how it all shakes out.