Cocoon

I have had a couple of things to write about rolling around in my head, but none seem quite right. Instead, I wanted to send out some love to those that have been pushing love towards me. I know that I get angry, short, and exasperated along this journey, but the reason that I am sane is because when I just don't have the capacity to carry hope for myself, ourselves, or our future children, there is always someone there to pick up the basket of hope and carry it for a little way.

To my parents and C's parents, who are all heavily invested in this endeavor mentally, emotionally, and financially, thank you. Thank you for caring enough to ask questions and for patiently listening to our answers and then asking more questions. Thank you for your support and encouragement; and your faith in us that we are doing what we have to to build our family (your family too). Thank you for hoping for us when it seems what we are looking at is more hopeless.

AM & R, thank you for your continuous prayers, hope, support, encouragement, and listening ears. We aren't always sure that we deserve friends like you, but we are so grateful that both of you are in our lives and that we can be friends together and apart.

C, I know that you are out there, hoping this for us and praying this for us. Right now you are revelling in mommy-bliss and I know that you want that for me too. Thank you. You also decided to introduce me to someone who knows how this journey feels, so thank you for your thoughtfulness, and thank you for H.

H, knowing someone, if only through blogs and emails, that really gets what we are going through is priceless. I wish that no one else ever had to trek this journey, but I couldn't ask for a better person to correspond with about all the ups and downs. Your support and encouragement have meant so much to me and have restored a little of the hope that I was losing.

To the multitude of you who are praying that we might have a baby, sending positive thoughts our way, and casting the good vibes at us, thank you. Now, more than ever, I feel cocooned with the support and love. It is such a comforting feeling to know that others want this for us as much as we want this for ourselves and our families. Thank you for putting up with angry and sarcastic Anne, and the Anne that claims she just doesn't care anymore. I do care and I want this to work so very badly.

Right now, I am feeling a little pathetic. The week is going by too fast, for as long as there are a few more days before I can reasonably test this cycle, I can hope. Once I see a white white white pregnancy test, I know that it is all over, and we will have to try again. If the testing day never comes, I don't have to give up hope, but then again, it can't work out that way either. I will, of course, test early and most likely be disappointed early, but if I tested on the day I was supposed to, it would fall on the day that I miscarried two years ago. I know in my heart that this is just a date. It has been so long getting here and we could really use some good news on that particular date. You know?

P.S. Were any of you aware that you have to spend at least $6000 in one year on infertility treatments and procedures for it to be tax deductible? And the thought of IVF still scares me a lot.