Not Much Cheerier

So, what do you do (scratch that) . . .

Where do you go (never mind) . . .

Anyone got some quality sperm they are ready to cough up at a moment's notice? Not that C's sperm is bad, it just may not be available at the correct date and time.

What can I say? The scan did not go as planned (stupid, stupid girl for planning!). There are follicles, three actually, all still immature. They need a few more days. Which means that the IUI date is up in the air. C really can't do the 24-hour notice at work to take the morning off like I can. His job is important. Very important. Possibly more important than all of this trying to get pregnant stuff. That was semi-sarcastic and I apologize. His job is very important and it finances all of this IF stuff in part.

Depending on whether or not C can be an hour late to work on the designated day, we may or may not have an IUI this cycle. And if this IUI crashes and burns the way that #2 did, we have a bigger problem. If C can only maybe take an hour off to make a contribution in the future, I'm not sure that I am taking all of these drugs again for a "maybe." If I didn't appreciate these drugs so much, I would hate them. If this is a poor response to the white pills (on what, the eighth cycle I've taken them?) and we step up to way more expensive injectables, I'm fairly certain that I'm not paying the money and sticking a needle in myself for a "maybe I'll be able to show up and maybe I won't."

This really seems like a no-win situation. Yes, I want to ask him whether his job or our family is more important to him. But I know the answer and it is just not that simple. We'll see if we can make it work this time and if not, there are going to be serious decisions that have to be made.

Why can't this all just be easy? Why does it have to make me feel crappier and more guilty than I already do? How much more do we have to carry around with us? And when is the baggage just too much?