Goal Outside both Grasp and Reach

Can you at least tell when I started it that I had no intention of writing an infertility blog? Sure you can; I was pregnant at the onset of all of this. Which means that the beginning was the first of many experiences in deception. Because, two years ago, there we were, stressed out (freaked out), but pregnant. And everything was going to be okay. Then it wasn't. Everyone said that they knew someone who had miscarried, which they have due to the common occurrence of it, who had then gotten pregnant two weeks later, two months later, and a longer amount of time was never mentioned. Two years later, anyone?

I know those bloggers that detail each cycle from the moment they stopped BC and started TTC. I haven't done that because it would depress me. However, I know that we have racked up six clomid cycles in a year and one failed IUI. On to IUI #2. I never thought I would see that acronym on my blog. Is a girl allowed a small amount of time to worry yet? When additional measures have been taken repeatedly and failed, my crazy optimism regarding WHEN we will be pregnant and have children starts to slide into the dangerous realm of IF. *Not IF: infertility, after all, we are already there; IF: if we are going to be pregnant and have children.

I took some me time yesterday to absorb the negative result and will call the clinic on Tuesday to let them know that we would like to do a second IUI this next cycle. I am doing better today. I really just feel so out of control and powerless. I can't control this at all. Nothing we do makes any difference at all. I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to help our chances. And I definitely don't know how to keep my mouth shut, so please don't be too disappointed with the outcome all you supportive hopefuls; I really appreciated every kind encouraging word and I think that they made this cycle a little bit easier.