Claiming That Which Someone/thing Owes Me

Practical Questions:

Why the hell is C in such a funk? He is totally NOT allowed to PMS when this cycle is about to crash down and I am about to PMS. That's why it seems like it would be really hard to be in a lesbian relationship and cycle at the same time.

Why are the nurses from the dr's office so hopeful? I know I mentioned it was uplifting and all positive and crap less than five posts ago, but now my vote swings in the way of annoying. I've proven to them that this doesn't work, so why don't they believe me? How can they end every phone call with "Call us if you miss your period or get a positive pregnancy test!?"

Why isn't this process working? We're okay on the boy part, I'm taking pills to fix the small problem with the girl part, and there has been a painful amount of sex. Seriously, shouldn't we try something else if this isn't working?

Will being in a stressful place at both work and school be good for the help-free upcoming cycles? Yeah, I didn't really think so.

Did no one think to warn me about the two weeks from due wife and the five day old baby at the Memorial Day get-together? Really? Not even a heads up to make it a little less awkward? Because it was awkward. Kinda like telling someone you love them and getting slapped in the face. In addition, of course, to the "Do you have kids?" question that I love. The answer is no. Or, at one time we had planned on it and there was a malformation, anomaly, or death, you know, whatever you'd like to call it (except a missed abortion, because terminology like that tends to send me into a murderous rage). Would you even believe that I still had a good time and that they were wonderful people? I did and they were. I just would have appreciated some sort of alert so that I could be better prepared. Maybe I carry my pain better than I thought.

So they aren't all practical, but I vote them all valid. Along with a (oh, how exactly to preface this) disturbing? coping? realistic? thought. The way I have become okay - in my personal space within my own mind - with friends having beautiful babies and unanticipated pregnancies, I have compartmentalized it all. HERE are the people that have been blessed by God with pregnancy and beautiful babies. THERE I am and I am the opposite, whatever that is. This means that I can bestow love and affection on these wonderful women and soon enough, their beautiful babes. It is a coping mechanism and an enabling tool. We all have those for different purposes.

Others:
Am I angry? Yes
Am I sad? Yes
Are there happy moments? Yes
Am I miserable? By no means
Do I have a place for my thoughts? Mostly; need to work on it
Am I still grateful? Yes
Do I care? Yes, but it hurts
Am I hormonal? Sure as the sun rising in six hours
Why?
Why?
Why?
When? Ever?