I'm sitting in the living room typing on my brand new laptop. Remember all those posts about how C and I have wonderful families that love us so very much? Sometimes my mom shows this by buying us things. Like finding an on sale laptop for herself at Best Buy and randomly calling my sister and I to see if each of us wanted one. I feel a little guilty about accepting the gift, but here in my living room, typing on the internet, it's hard to feel that bad. Besides, like she said, it's for school!
Life update reads like this: job is still going well - the staff cares about me at least (as opposed to the last job I held), but there's always that corporate stuff hanging over our heads; school is slightly less busy as I am currently only taking one online class (justification for a new laptop?), but it's going to pick up this summer while I take four classes. A little voice in my head has been telling me to just finish the Master's degree ASAP. No real idea why. So I'm aiming to be completely done by December. I guess in case a baby decides to show up in the new year. I've watched AM balance the baby life and the school life and though she is amazing at it, I have no desire to try it out. But just like her, I want to be a seriously educated mommy.
These last two weeks were rather rough on me (us) and probably everyone around us. I'm still getting comments that I don't seem myself. My mind hasn't been with a lot of things. We're off to begin the magic pills (that work!) soon and I am anticipating the night sweats and hot flashes now (NO DOWN BLANKETS ON THE BED!). This whole journey has been exhausting and painful. I know that most of you realize this, but it was so nice to hear E say the other day - that our kids will know (if nothing else) that they are so very very loved. Not that children conceived easily aren't loved - because I don't think that! At this point, we aren't talking months anymore on the eerie baby roller coaster ride; as of June, it will be two years we've been on this ride. For those that think that's a long time - it is. For those that don't - try it. And the hormones, co pays, blood draws, discarded lily white negative pregnancy tests - all with a side of broken heart.
Me? In somewhat of a rage, I woke up at 7am Saturday and decided to really and truly go for a run. It's been a sweet inside joke between C and I since we started dating (and as a side note, I am totally wearing the pants I was wearing the first night we went to his apartment and partied). I put on the jogging essentials and took off into the dewy morn. Yeah. I don't run, so I made it maybe 1/2 a mile. Came home and did compulsive yoga poses. Next morning: run (probably 1/4 mile because I was SORE), weights at home, and some work on an awkward piece of exercise equipment. I felt sore, but great from the endorphin release afterwards. I also figured out that exercise may be the only acceptable form of self punishment in our culture. Because, what I was really doing was telling my body that if the reproductive parts won't do what they're supposed to, I sure as hell will make the rest of my body perform. Acceptable self punishment. The ears might be part of it too - they're stretching to 4s and pictures will be forthcoming.
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