Official diagnosis: I'm stressed out. Unofficial diagnosis: I'm "high-strung."
I'm worn out from the weekend and we didn't even do anything strenuous. We've been walking the dogs every day since Friday (I think C thinks that he's walking me too - for my own good) and it's a nice routine. Call across the house, "Are we taking the d-o-g-s for a w-a-l-k?" Find the shoes and put some socks on. Trick C into putting the harnesses on both dogs, plus Bella's head harness/muzzle thing. Grab 2 -3 poop bags, wintergreen scent. Bella's our pooper. Boris won't go on a walk, but Bella will choose the nicest yard and go at it. Usually twice, but sometimes we're caught off-guard by the third time. Anyway, walking them has become a lot easier with Bella's head harness thing - she can't pull, she doesn't bark at other dogs, and the lunging is kept to a minimum with chances of being banished all together. Now, if some one could tell me why I still walk the 90lb dog and C walks the 50lb dog, when C has 60-70lbs on me, I would understand this whole thing. I probably get to walk Bella because I make a big deal about her being MY big puppy. She came along before the marriage and the only time I'm not indulging her is when she demonstrates her awful behavior towards other dogs. We're working on that. Those three (so far) leisurely walks must be the reason I feel like a boa constrictor has been playing with me at night. Must walk more. Cannot feel prematurely 80.
When not going on walks, I cleaned out the beds around the house to help C out with the yard, I did dishes, some laundry, bathed Miss Bella, and kept the peace between sister B and the parents who brought more of her stuff up and offered to help her set up house (involving a very pricey trip to Target). I'm sore and a little exhausted, but in good news, not nearly as exhausted as I might have been a month ago. I'm hoping that this is the difference all of the vitamins and pill are supposed to make (although they are getting harder to swallow).
I've gotten feedback over the past few days that I needed to sort through, but what it boils down to is that I need to calm down. I have been told that I am stressing myself out (which I believe, but am a little less sure on how to stop) and that I can be high strung about certain things. C completely agrees with all of the above. Whether or not I agree with it isn't the point, so much as me figuring out what I can do to calm down. This weekend I rid myself of some of the routines and rituals that stress me out (per the dr and C) and I will keep doing that until I am okay. Breathing in and breathing out and thinking about the things I can change and control while ignoring everything I cannot. I think that's paraphrasing the serenity prayer.
I'm working on my final project for contemporary literature class with The Handmaiden's Tale, but I didn't calculate how the story was going to hit me this time around. The first time I read it, I was going to college, working in the bookstore, and engaged to C (but probably not planning the wedding and definitely not thinking about kids). The handmaiden process seemed cruel. Now it seems sadistic. We'll see how it goes. If it stresses me out, I'll change to another Atwood novel (Cat's Eye?) and continue the project.
1 comment:
Ha. That's kind of funny, I was just going to start "Cat's Eye" as soon as I finished "A Brave New World."
Yeah you're high-strung, but being laid back is for hippies and democrats.
Back when I had dogs, we used to have to spell out "walk" and "outside" too, in case we didn't want to take them out.
Those dogs always figured it out too, but never figured out to bring me my slippers.
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