I am back at work. Doing some work very very slowly. It's a balance of taking painkillers and finding a task that I'm still able to accomplish while medicated. Then I need to plan for my drive home when I need to be clear-headed. I can understand why people become addicted so easily. These pills make life effortless. I don't have to think, move, or do anything. I am fine to just watch life go by.
Gathering my thoughts, I realize that I don't know what to do. Should I be back at work? Should I have come back on Monday? Should I be in my parent's basement curled up sleeping? How do we grieve? What should I do with the sick irony that my doctor's appointment on Friday was merely changed from the appointment when we were supposed to listen to our baby's heartbeat to my post-op check-up? I know that I'm eventually going to get angry and I hope I can control that. For now, I plan to stay lightly medicated (except during times I will need to drive) and cry when I need to. That is the best I can do.
No comments:
Post a Comment