And I don't even know what normal is. I just don't want it to be like this forever or even much longer. At least I feel better physically. The doctor gave me some antibiotics for an infection after she poked around on me and found the spot that hurt. Thankfully, the medicine kicked in yesterday and I haven't had to take any painkillers since. So, I'm doing a lot better physically. Otherwise . . .
Otherwise, I don't know. Sometimes I want to crawl in a hole and die and sometimes I don't. I want to be around all of my friends that love me and care and then I want to be alone and definitely NOT crying in front of anyone. C seems perfectly okay with an it-happened-now-let's-move-on attitude and I want him to be that way, but it doesn't help me much. A little over a week ago, I was all set to be pregnant and have a baby in September and now, nothing. Except the wait for an ER and surgery bill. I don't know how he does it. I don't know how anyone does it, but a lot of them have. I do know that life will go on and everything will settle back down, but what does that leave me with? I want to remember and I want to forget and I don't know which is pulling stronger. I'm supposed to grieve and I don't know how. I wish I didn't tear up every time someone said something. I wish this didn't happen to me. Or maybe I just wish it didn't hurt this badly.
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