Let's Talk About Sex

Sex. I like sex with my husband. A lot. Even after six years together (I went to Christian school, so I'm not admitting to sex before marriage), this guy is the one I want.

I smile when our friends tell jokes about wives that are tired or uninterested in sex, but I don't really understand it. Sure, I have my moments (rare) when I don't want to engage in sexual anything, but again, they're rare. I usually want to have sex with the adorable C. When we come home from work, when we go to bed, and even random sunny afternoons. I'm game for sex over 90% of the (appropriate) time. This hasn't changed much since I met him and fell in love.

So what is it? Am I just a sexual person? Are C and I super compatible sexually? Is C really amazing in bed? Why, even with age and stress and LIFE has my libido not slowed or waned?

I have a few theories, since you're still reading about my sex life. Pervert. Voyeur.

I've only ever had sex with C. I'm that girl. Which, for me, is a huge benefit. C is the best I've ever had - he has all of the skills and techniques that I know and enjoy. We know what makes the other happy, what the other is willing to do, and essentially how to make sex work for us. I'm not going to speak for C, but sex with him makes me happy.

Which is the simple explanation for the complex physical, mental, and emotional things that happen during/after sex. What I write next may seem simple and naive, but I mean what I write. I love my husband and I love having sex with him. Sex makes me feel beautiful, desired, loved, cherished, cared for, CALM, relaxed, powerful, strong, talented, and so much else. Sex boosts my immune system and my self esteem. Sex makes me smile and realize some things are way more important and some things are way less important. Sex is messy and funny and sad and joyous and spiritual and angry and lovely.

I was raised in a religious family, in church, and attended private Christian school for high school. Which is to say, I was not overly educated about sex. At all. As in, the homeschool mom who somehow wound up teaching sophomores biology could not explain, when asked directly, what an orgasm was. Pathetic. Side-note: I refuse to return to that school unless allowed to teach a comprehensive health/sex education class. And so, in dating, I was (and probably still am) clueless. No ideas about sex, except that if you have it before you are married, you are a sinning heathen destined for the bowels of hell.

Why couldn't anyone tell me about sex? That I have a vagina and a cervix and a clitoris, among other cool parts? Any information about pap smears? UTIs? Yeast infections? The risks associated with birth control? That sex is a tiny word that encompasses so many things? No one can tell me that sex is great, or that it isn't something to be ashamed of? How come no one talks about sex?!

So, I talk about sex and now I've written about sex. I've counseled numerous former classmates on the importance of pap smears and the risk associated with different birth control. Also infertility (unfortunately), but that is another issue; however, if you can't talk about sex when it is great and "working," how in the world can you discuss when it's NOT working? I've been the one friends talk to about sex (gasp, premarital and uninvolved). I educated an ex-boyfriend all about the mechanics of sex (long, strange, slightly sad story). But still, why don't people TALK about it?

Here I am though. Unashamed and talking about sex. Not even in general, because I'm talking about my sex. Not in an explicit fashion. It's just sex, you hear?

There is a chance that sex is different for me than it is for you. A small difference, but unmistakeable. Sex is not the method through which I can procreate. There is not any type of birth control in my home. Do you see where this is going? To all of the emotions that get involved with sex, I'll add my own: we are mostly certain that our children will not be conceived through sex. And yes, that makes me sad. I'd rather be like you in that respect. Which means that I have to realize that for C and I, the sex really is just for us. No pregnancies and no babies. Just because we want to, need to, and love each other. It's taken awhile and a few tears, but I'm okay with that. Which is yet another reason to keep this dialogue open: sex changes. Not intended to be profound, but very true.

You don't have to talk to me about sex, but you can. You need to talk about sex with the person(s) you're having it with. And you need people out there that you can ask questions (no, your doctor does not count because doctors do not know all of the answers). So, let's talk about sex, shall we?

*Posted from my mobile phone