Continuation of Treatment

A lot and not so much has been happening all at once. The job is a crazy busy office one with no time to stop and ponder during the day. Life is much the same at the moment.

On the infertility front, there is nothing much going on. All treatments are still on hold due to the bladder and PFTM issues. They might pick up sooner than I thought due to some results of the bladder testing.

I did not post anything on the anniversary of our first and only miscarriage on February 11th. The day hit me, but not hard. I don't even know if C noticed. We were fighting at the time (through Valentine's day), and I just couldn't bring up that I was probably also upset due to events that happened three years ago. That would be like throwing it in his face and I refused to do that just because I was experiencing emotional pain. There was a moment in the fighting where I almost asked him if he ever did forgive me for miscarrying (I know exactly how unreasonable that sounds), but I then realized that it was just pity and desire to hurt him that would make me ask - so I wisely bit my tongue. And the fighting is over for now. As for the anniversary, it means that doctors have finally stopped telling me that "at least we know you can get pregnant," because they don't. Not after three years. I also know now that I did miscarry, but my issue lies, at the moment, with conceiving, making me, infertile. Sometimes we find comfort in our labels.

Everything else is going along. I've done quite a bit more urodynamics and testing for the bladder issues and the diagnosis through more than one test is Interstitial Cystitis (IC), which is also called (PBS) Painful Bladder Syndrome. Basically, my bladder is irritated. I am working at changing my diet (cutting out acidic foods/drinks, etc.) to improve this and we tried the cocktail of medications that they install in your bladder (via catheter) for the last three weeks. It is proving difficult to give up my fruit and juices and unfortunately, the cocktails don't seem to be working, which also means that I am not a candidate for a similar daily oral medication. That was a little upsetting for me, but we are going to focus more on the too tight pelvic floor muscles. Physical therapy for those muscles involves internal work, which thankfully, as experienced as I am with IF treatments, I am somewhat used to doctors down there. It is a process. We are focusing on relaxation and I am not very skilled at that, so it is a task indeed. I have been prescribed a medication to help relax those muscles and it seems to be helping as well.

So, none of this is earth shattering or even particularly interesting, but I thought I'd post an update. Honestly, I'm hoping to get back to infertility treatments, even though I'm unsure what our next step is. So, I guess that I am eager to meet with the RE and get a new plan, especially since the medications that could affect a pregnancy are no longer in my system or an option for me. I am a little concerned that C and my PT both want these pelvic floor issues dealt with before we jump back into the game. It's just that these issues aren't the type that you just treat with PT or medication and they are gone. What we can do is try and retrain my pelvic floor muscles and then attempt to prevent any more flares (and if they do occur, we can treat them now that we know what is going on) of the bladder pain. These issues just don't disappear. I want to move on with infertility treatments because the pelvic floor tension isn't supposed to have anything to do with infertility. However, in that diagnosis, the doctors unknowingly gave C a reason. It doesn't always have to make complete sense, just a little sense. This is a man who has been subtly looking for a reason since the beginning. Not to blame, just to attribute. Just like a man to want a defined problem to solve. We'll see.