Shrouded in Mystery, Then Love

To end the great mystery, my HCG levels on Monday morning were negative. I assume that the number was something under 5, since they said negative, but I don't know. I do know that I had to put up with the lab girl's speculation that nine days could have been just enough for fertilization and implantation. Why do they even mention this to me? It would bother anyone, I think. Because the deal is that even if I was "pregnant" that there was NO WAY the "pregnancy could continue with progesterone levels in the hole and an abundance of bleeding. So shut up! The negative beta on Monday also confirms that it was the trigger shot that wasn't out of my system that spiked my HCG levels on Friday. Mystery solved and I am so over it.

Except that we still don't know why my progesterone levels crashed and I began bleeding seven days early. I asked about Dr. G's opinion on the whole thing and they obviously haven't presented my case to him. All the nurse said when I asked her about possible future progesterone supplements was that "they are never contraindicated." C'mon, I started bleeding for no reason and just wasted hundreds of dollars and that is all you have for me?

I turned down the offer for the tiny yellow pills. As I start talking to others, it seems like C's snap decision to forgo infertility treatments while I deal with the pelvic floor issues, is a solid idea. Besides, I didn't want to have to freak out two weeks out of every month about damaging a tiny baby that we tried so hard (and spent so much money) to create. I'm good with that. Just hoping to resume some IUIs by June or July. Don't know if the colossal failure of this cycle warrants an automatic boost to an injectible cycle (the low progesterone apparently calls into question the actual ovulation - even though I SAW the follicles and TRIGGERED them to release - apparently I am not the puppet master in control). We'll see.

In much cooler news, our friends T&K had their much anticipated second baby! A little nine pound boy arrived today and I hope to visit the family tomorrow. I can't wait to hold the new baby P!

Also had a wonderful dinner with friend AT tonight. She is a fantastic person and I hoped that I encouraged and listened in all of the right places while she played my audience for awhile. I miss working with her everyday and can't wait to see the difference she makes in those around her - she's already made a difference for me - just by being an understanding friend.

Can I end the post with love? To T&K and little T and new P, to AT, and definitely to friend C, who reached out, faraway N, who always supports, to oldfriend C, who reads about someone totally different's life, S, who reads and is expecting, and AM, who loves. And to many others, know that I think of you and thank you and love you each day, or at least every other . . .