I'm not sure how to number these, but today was supposed to be IUI #2 (#6 of all IUIs ever planned and #4 of actual accomplished IUIs and #2 of post-op IUIs - totally makes sense, right?). But, as the fates have decided, it was not to be. After a follicle scan and an HCG shot yesterday, I chose the earliest time they gave me for the drop-off and IUI today. 845a and 945a were not early enough. Work came crashing down on C's shoulders yesterday and he was just not going to be able to do the whole contribution and drop-off thing at 845a today. The clinic couldn't schedule him any earlier and after he attempted to, he couldn't get out of work obligations.
It's funny that the last time this happened was almost a year ago. And I completely wigged out and threw a "YOU obviously don't love me OR care at all about our family" type fit. I could do that now if I wanted to. I know that some people and couples just can't understand how C could throw this whole cycle under the bus like this. I've been there before and I understand the range of responses that I have to chose from. I chose to be calm and compassionate. C is pissed off and upset about all of this. He's sick about not being able to follow through and the fact that we wasted a few hundred dollars getting to this point in this cycle. And I'm saying (even with the psychotic HCG rushing through my system) that it's okay. I'm a little angry, but more at the situation than anything else. To remind myself (and everyone else), these treatments are in large part paid for by money that C earns . . . at his job . . . the one we want to get busier and busier and flourish. So, if this happens every once in awhile, that is okay. We can deal with it.
Although, I hate spending money for no reason. Being wanded for no reason*. And getting the awful HCG shot for no reason (I get it in the hip/butt area and it is sore for days after). This stuff wears me out. So, no need to make C feel worse for what he can't control. All I asked was that he try his best to talk the clinic into an earlier time and to try and rearrange work stuff - it was a lot to ask, but it was all I asked. He tried and that was the best he could do. I do get a little irritated that the clinic won't let anyone schedule an IUI on CD1. They let you schedule a follicle scan on CD 12 or 13, but you can only schedule the IUI after they have done the scan, gave you a shot, and deemed you appropriate to schedule for an IUI. There has only been one time out of six now that I haven't produced mature follicles for a CD 12 scan, so why can't I just go ahead and book an IUI for CD 13 at 730am - pretty good odds that it would be an appointment we can keep. Anyway, I'll ask them about it next time. I need to call and schedule a blood test in two weeks so that I can get another script of the tiny yellow pills for anticipated IUI #3 (#7 and #4).
I was reminded by a dear co-worker that there is, of course, God's intended (tongue in cheek) delivery method for sperm into the uterus (he might as well have screamed, "USE THE PENIS! USE THE PENIS, GUYS! I HEAR THAT WORKS SOMETIMES!"). We'll try that, thanks. Although, and not that anyone is counting, we are three and a half years into this (five years according to C, which just goes to show you how reliable he thinks the "birth control" we were using right after we got married was) and I do not have the same faith in sex that I once did. C is beginning to lose faith even in the treatments we are pursuing (haven't I already?), so it looks like we're coming due for another talk about out plans. Not to sound callous, but perhaps we really do need to figure out how far we plan to go in this process, what we plan to gamble away, and if children are something we really need or just want. Wow, I feel like I just slapped myself in the face right there. Hope nobody else felt it.
*Two post-op cycles in, I am still responding well to the tiny yellow pills. Most recent scan on CD 12 revealed one mature follicle and one adolescent follicle, both on the right side.
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