Not Going to Say Good Bye

Yeah, I’m not going to say it, but I sort of am going away. I’ve thought about it for a month or so and have made the decision to let this blog go into hibernation for awhile. I am thinking about starting another blog and writing more about C’s and my day-to-day life and all of our projects and creations. I’ll let you all know if and when you can find me elsewhere.

Why am I not saying good bye? We are finished with this part of the infertility/loss journey. We are still infertile (after two years, we are infertile by international standards as well as American) and we still grieve our loss. We are currently moving on and taking a break all at once. I go back and forth about accepting this and hating it, but slowly I am realizing that for me and for us, a hiatus is desperately needed. All of you bear witness to what infertility and loss have done to us so far, and I know that you understand and support our need to step outside of this arena and back into other, sweeter parts of life. For some, infertility and the sweet life are not mutually exclusive, but for us, we need to let one go in order to more fully enjoy and explore the other.

We are dedicated to taking this time for us: for C and me and the reunification of anything that has been harmed or shaken in our relationship along this journey. We are making decisions about how to better our lives through the everyday things. This includes, but is not limited to: building trucks and driving them over rocks, boating and fishing on the lake, reading interesting books, spending an abundance of time with friends and their children, restoring/updating the home we love, cooking excellent food, and all around enjoying a life that is not so focused on how to achieve both a pregnancy and child. You know, at least for a year. Family building of some sort is still one of our sincere priorities, but these next 300 days or so will go by without fertility medications or treatments and we will both be better for it. Then, and only then, will we be able (able in a way that isn’t overmedicated and strung out on hormones, able in that we aren’t stressed by scheduled sex and multiple doctors’ appointments, able after having gathered pertinent information) to make decisions about what we chose to do or not do in order to build our family.

I am hoping for a different type of blog place, one where our families and friends can visit without learning about my ovaries and C’s sperm. I need a living-room-shelf type place where I feel more comfortable posting pictures of our faces and friends. A blogspot more focused on what we are doing to create a life we are proud of and a life worth fixing up (there’s your big hint right there). Follow me if any of the aforementioned still interests you.