Everything Disappoints but Demo Derby

I see that intense emotion is scary for commenters. It's okay, I never know what to say at the serious breaks in conversation either. It's why I write it out, anger, rage, grief, less happiness, but search and you'll find it. Most of what I wrote about is smoothed over. It all just catches me off guard so very quickly. Should I be on the lookout for these things?

So today, my university gave me the run around. I needed two numbers from them, an online library login and a corresponding pin. So I can, you know, login to their library to access their databases, find a journal article and review it. A journal article on infertility. Yippee. I chose it though, looking for random answers or diagnosis in scientific medical journals, because surely, they know how my heart aches. Anyway, I've been asking for this info since Wednesday and the review is due Sunday. Today resulted in a panicked message for someone at the uni. Which got me my "temporary" numbers. Haven't even checked to see if they work yet.

AND, that dumb, stupid watch? It was supposed to be here today at the latest. So I called. They didn't like my credit card. Which, unfortunately, happens a lot. Something with me and numbers. Did they call me Monday while they were processing my order for a time sensitive product? No, I had to call them today and they told me that *someone* usually called if the credit card was declined. I've got some choice words for them. Screw OVWatch's customer service. Another month lost. I didn't realize I was so hopeful about it until they crushed that hope. Every other company I've dealt with has sent a nice email, or picked up the phone and called, to let me know that something was wrong with the card. Great idea for a company that needs their product in a consumer's hand by a specific date.

But I have magic pills and Twilight and Extras. Which doesn't make up for the fact that I am not where I am supposed to be right now. I should be at a demolition derby in the middle of Kansas watching my husband's best friend and my best friend's husband (same man, the wonderful R) compete. And when I say compete, I mean the boy is so determined and the ONLY one to make it to the finale - EVER. I had no idea that my heart would crave the smash-bang-up-ness of demo derby so badly right now. I should have switched work shifts and driven there. I should have driven there anyway and been a little late. I should drive there now. I don't think I thought this through at all. I owe AM to be in the stands with her and I definitely owe R the support, along with my own husband. So, guys, I am sorry. I just didn't realize and now, I think I get it and won't miss something like this ever again. Unless I am in labor, which I hope to god happens someday. I'm sorry. I'll be there next year. Please call me and tell me how it's going.