Dresses & Therapy, so the Thank You goes to . . .

Have I mentioned that I am way busy this spring? Two classes are kicking my butt. I spend all of my time on the computer and internet and none posting or emailing. In fact, I am supposed to be writing two, no, four papers at the moment. Some are small and some are large, but at this point, I doubt it matters. Instead, blogging seemed more productive.

I am trying to decide if I want to write about the shallow or deep stuff right now. Will you bear with me if I start shallow and get deeper? Like the beach or a lake? Because if I delve into the deep stuff, I won't be in a cheery enough mood to write about shallow things, which I enjoy doing.

Shallow: I went shopping yesterday and found a great dress (I am so into dresses over jeans and I blame this completely on AM), TWO pairs of jeans, and two tank tops on sale. Actually, everything was on sale and when I mentioned to Mom that I really don't buy much (anything) not on sale, she seemed surprised. At some of those stores, the full price is more of a suggestion and I know it will drop in a matter of weeks. I do very much value my money. I also need to comfortably clothe my body, so it is a compromise. Friday night, we did not head home like I thought we would, so I became obsessive (perhaps it is in my personality) and HAD TO make a dress to wear Saturday. I started at 8:30p and "finished" at 2:30a. That's what I mean by obsessed. While I could have worn it Saturday, there are some things I need to fix, so I didn't. However, that AM was so impressed meant a lot to me (really!). Want to see some pictures? Thought you'd never ask!

Less shallow: Therapy went well, I think. She listened and I spoke and then she spoke and I tuned her out a bit. She examined my grief pattern, which is remarkably brief considering I've only lost my Grandma (and it was her time to go) and this child. Big difference. She suggested doing something more to commemorate the baby, but I really don't want to and told her so. Whether I am consciously thinking of him or not, I carry him very close to my heart. It's all that I can do. Perhaps the most telling statement made on my part (and I'm not looking to offend anyone) was that I don't consider myself a mother. Not really. There is no reason I should. I see moms all the time and the things they do and don't do. I can't take that label for my own. I just can't. But these are things I don't think about much. I go back to see the therapist in two weeks or so.

Still less shallow: I am thankful for the ways that my friends have made me feel so loved and appreciated lately. Through comments, messages, emails, phone calls, and the ones that can, hug tightly. AM, thank you for looking out for me, because I know you do. My forever A, the lunch we had together was fabulous and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Miss C, I'm so glad that we found that we had never really lost one another and to reconnect was so easy: I'm counting on seeing you in May. Miss J and M, I'm headed down to see you guys soon-ish and I can't wait because you're both such generous and loving people. How do I get through the rocky days when tears are just begging to fall? I know that you all and many others love and care for me and that helps me more than you realize. Thank you, love Anne.