Rape Scenes

Don't show me a movie with four rape scenes in it. Don't do it. Don't warn me that there is one prison rape in the movie and some sexuality and some violence. Because, by the end of said movie, I was ready to shank you. I'd seen it done enough in the previous two hours that I think I've got it down: quick, urgent, repetitive jabs to the stomach or chest area. Anyone seen American Me? Apparently, it's an accurate portrayal of how gangs work, which is somehow directly relevant to my class on gangs. That didn't say it was about gangs in the little blurb I read in the course catalog to choose the class.

I don't process rape well and if you do, well kudos and congratulations. I can't watch it on tv or in movies. I now know what I've seen before is the watered down, Disney version in CSI, Law & Order SVU and the like. I don't have a photographic memory (or do I?), but the images and sounds haunt me. Sometimes I have nightmares, but mostly I have what I call daymares: I can see repeats of these scenes. Mostly when I'm alone and not thinking about something else. My memory stores these someplace where they are able to pop up and shatter me at random times. As a woman, these constant reminders of rape and sexual violence leave me feeling helpless and violated. I don't willingly watch, read or listen to this stuff. Gauging reactions, it seems that this type of scene does not affect many other people the same way. I'm not being a dramatic reactionary, I'm stating that this stuff disturbs me.

My conclusion? I will be contacting my professor to let him (him, imagine that) know I will not be watching any more movies with rape scenes or sexual violence. If there is another one on the syllabus, I will opt out and offer to read a book and/or write a paper. If this can't be agreed upon, I will withdraw from the class and let them keep my damn money. I will not push those type of images into my head to be repeated in such a way as to cause me harm. No way.

None of this is to say that I don't want to help those who have been victims of rape and sexual assault. I have done nothing but support those causes. But while their stories haunt me, at least I know that they are true and honest recreation of events and not the Hollywood version. Why do you watch rape scenes in movies? Are you completely desensitized or do you think I'm overly sensitive?

I just know that you DON'T make me watch a movie with ANY rape scenes in a class. If I would have been braver, I would have walked out. Was everyone else really that NUMB? Does it say anything that those scenes are the ONLY ones I can recall from a 2+ hour movie? What the hell?