Another Round of Waiting (because the first didn't take)

I spent the evening listening to "gangsta rap" per the professor's instructions. Then I wrote a paper about it. To kill off the desire to "shank" the misogynist bastards that sing (rap?) such songs, I think I listened to Taylor Swift's "Our Song," which I dearly love. For this moment.

It would take too much to catch anyone up, so Thanksgiving was nice. My family came out to the in-laws and there were boyfriends and girlfriends and Grandpa and a Brian. I made THREE apple pies, but decided to do a taste test with them. After racing ahead in the polls, the granny smith pie came in second behind the honeycrisp, and in a lowly third, jonathan. I'm assuming the pumpkin pies were good because they were not made by me, with whole cloves. Yeah, I'm that girl. I spent time with the brothers (one who had a fascination with "curling" me?). I saw AM for a desperate moment that was all too brief. We'll have more time after the holidays, okay? I finally met up with miss A and just talked and talked and talked. I don't think we even got through high school, but I do know that I can't WAIT to visit her! And you know, catch a show, because DUDE, you live in Nashville!

As for me and my inside thoughts, I'm still waiting. Six weeks to be exact. To put into motion the plan that may save everything, or perhaps not. God is teaching me some sick twisted version of patience with a large stick. Or he forgot me. Probably that, since I am still angry with him. Does that mean he's punishing me?

The holidays bother me because I keep thinking that everyone is just waiting for the announcement that will let them (us) move on with our lives. I can't give myself that release, much less the all of them and it hurts. I asked one of them about this and she responded with yes, we're all waiting! which wasn't the response that I was looking for. Right now marks a year to the last time I ended up with child. What do I do with that information? A year! Do you understand that? I've been torturing myself for a year. Thank the Lord that forgot me that I'm low on time to obsess. Since I'm running out of time and the energy to sit upright, that is all. Not much, but it's what I have to offer.