Waiting on the Game Plan

I don't begrudge them any struggles or difficulties they may have gone through to get them there, but is it okay that I'm a little depressed that Nicole Ritchie and Christina Aguilera are preggers? It's really just that I doubt there were any struggles or difficulties. Now I have to watch their bellies grow while mine is flat. I hope everything goes very smoothly for both of them. And I'm ready for my turn.

One of the harder things about all of this isn't necessarily the waiting; it's the waiting with no guarantee that anything will come of our hard work. I was thinking (yesterday in the shower) that even the doctor said, "At least we know you can get pregnant," but I don't think that's at all accurate. In any other realm of anything, an occurrence happening once is no promise that it will ever happen again. Too many examples to name, but think of the lottery, lightening strikes, asteroids. "At least we know you can win the lottery." Huh. I'm just noting how much actual sense that comment makes.

It grates on me if I am trying in vain when I should be correcting an at-this-moment-unknown problem/deficiency/issue. Maybe I've been reading too many infertility blogs and I'm projecting. I want something to keep me busy on this front, I want to be proactive. Instead, I'm waiting and I don't know yet if I'm waiting in vain. In the meantime, I'll keep charting and playing with OPKs and progesterone cream. My new OB/GYN said that if we weren't pregnant again in six months, we could come in for tests. Which was rather generous of her considering standard protocol would have us waiting a year. I saw her in April, so I can revisit her mid-October to plop my little charts down in front of her and politely ask, "So what are we going to do, Doctor?" I guess that's the game plan.