Tell You What

I need support and encouragement and someone to tell me not to be so anxious/stressed/nervous/worried over every little thing.

I need to be calm.
Soothing.
Gentle.
Relaxed.
Zen.

Because there are big things and then there are big things. My things fall short of big things. But they still intimidate me and creep into my emptying head right before I fall to sleep. So, I guess they are my big things.

Some of them I don't want to talk about. Afraid of the reality, fear of failure, knowing what this means. Some are exciting possibilities, but those two genericy words allow me some distance. If I give myself any more distance from these things, I'll be walking backwards so fast as to fall off the opposite side of the cliff, unknowingly. Never to have seen the one thing I wasn't afraid of coming; all the worrying in vain.

Wow, I do sound like a high anxiety personality. I can't expect you to tell me that I'm doing the right thing. You don't know either. I guess I just careen forward until I reach maximum velocity and burn out. Or somehow calm down and find the reassurance I'm seeking.

It's a rough journey.

- Posted from my mobile phone