The rug that you are standing on is a green and purple paisley print, it sure as hell does not even matter anymore because someone (or something) has come along and pulled out the rug from underneath you and replaced it with, well it does not really matter anymore because there is no rug. This is what IF is like for us.
We are at this weird thinking and decision-making point in this journey. What we do know, I think, is that this is my last cycle on the magic white pills. They have no safety and they worry me. I have taken them for NINE cycles now. In each cycle they fool the estrogen receptors into thinking something that forces the body to ovulate. There are discernible traces of this medication in your system after a year since the last time you take them. So what the hell did NINE cycles of these do to me?
We are having to decide what the next step is after a long and much needed break (months-years), so we have time on our side. We are talking to the RE again in about a month about our options. The second concern (the first is the sheer number of times I have been on that medication and the crazy variable responses - see below) is that we have effectively solved the problems that have been diagnosed: annovualtion is well solved by the medication, and as long as C has a less-stressful, non-ill, save up period, his sperm count is adequate. If the problems are solved, then why aren't we pregnant? What is the new and improved problem? And are we looking at IUIs with injectables or IVF without knowing what we are up against and just hoping that one of those procedures will solve something. Those will also both have to be saved up for, because we are not made of money. It would be nice to have a scarf made out of $1000 bills though. I could just pluck them off and pay for things.
I am looking forward to this next appointment for a new plan. I was sure that this last IUI (#4, for those keeping track) was doomed from the start, as in "these treatments just don't work for us." And then we are taking a break for a year or two (or until I miraculously find thousands of dollars in a basket with a baby on my front porch). It will be a different type of stressful, but good for us. And then. THIS happened. Actually nothing HAPPENED, so much as numbers might as well be monsters for as much as they terrify me. Just certain numbers.
Brief recap: we had to do two follicle scans for the last IUI and still just found ONE pitiful mature follicle on the second one and went ahead with the IUI. Negative.
Today: follicle scan and I'm already prepared to repeat in two days due to another poor response. Not so fast. She sees one, two, three, four, five (switch ovaries) six, seven, eight, nine follicles. Four are mature and five are possibilities. She gives me the ROM (Risk of Multiples) talk and I tell her that C and I have discussed this and are willing to take the risk. She is flustered and goes to consult with the doctor (while I stare at the screen with all the follicle measurements on it). Dr says no way we are doing the IUI and no trigger shot - he is not willing to risk multiples. She further explains to me that I am 25, with assumed high egg quality, and that any more than two babies might break my tiny body. She advises (strongly and three times) against intercourse without protection, because "You just don't want to take the risk." An appointment is made for a month from now with RE to further discuss options (which is what we were going to do anyway).
Objections: I understand the risk, but I don't think having A BABY or even two, is much of a risk. A gaggle of babies is a risk. I am not tiny, I am thin-ish (less so since all of this fertility nonsense), and have strong bones, and a solid frame (or so I think). I am 25 and I want to have a baby. Funny thing, sex is our decision and whatever we decide is an educated, consensual, mutual decision. Can't wait to lay this all out for C. Or I can't wait to lay C, I'm a little confused about this point.
Where did that rug I was standing on go? There was never a rug under my feet? What was I standing on?
6 comments:
Ummm...people have multiples all the time. I'm not quite sure what the doctor's deal is. The point is that you want a baby, and your chances of that happening were multiplied today, from what i understand anyway. (Sorry for the bad wording.) You are paying him to help you and he (or she) is not doing a very good job at that. Having multiples is not the end of the world. I am married to one! (And his mom is tiny.)
If it wasn't for that damn octuplet mom! Seriously, I'm sure fertility doctors are going to be a little over cautious right now - but you are right, it's your decision. Laura is right, multiples are born all the time. It's a political thing right now, so I say, do what you think is right.
Actually, I admire the doctor for taking a stand and going with his gut. An IUI with lots of follicles is how Jon & Kate got six. The doctor was not concerned just about multiples, but about higher order multiples (triplets and above). A successful RE is one that can achieve a singleton or twin pregnancy; anything else (no pregnancy or higher order multiples) is considered a failure. The only thing I am surprised about is the advisement against sex, because you see, sex hasn't gotten us anywhere in about two years. I don't want four or six or ten babies all at once, but I do want one or two. That octuplet mom brought way too much scrutiny to infertility procedures and protocol. Quite frankly, it is annoying that the world now thinks it is an expert on infertility and what we should or should not do regarding such. I read a triplet mom who put a question out there about RE protocols with IVF and it seems pretty standard that they will transfer as many embryos as you ask for. So like I said, I am proud of our doctor for his stand, but that doesn't mean there won't be any sex. And condoms? Are you serious? Like we have one of those hanging around.
Thanks for clarifying. I obviously don't know very much. =)
This is craziness. Nine?? I understand the doctor's concern with IVF. But I say make love not war. :) Could I be any cheesier or cliche?
You hired the doctor to get you pregnant. period. It is your body baby so I say go for it...plug away!!! (sorry if that was crude) Good luck, and have some fun while you're at it :)
Much love,
H
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