What Happens When You are Nice / Research / Take Pills

Another week another round of revelations. Mostly good, or at least informative, and me being the type that thinks information is almost always good, I am sated for the time being. Actually, another round of the magic pills too, and I am under the impression that my body is becoming so used to them that instead of what I would consider "normal" or "regular" hot flashes, my temperature just goes sky high as soon as they are in my system. I could feel the redness in my face yesterday. Anyway, I'm sure that they will do what they are supposed to, and we will do what we are supposed to, and most likely, it won't work.

Beyond that, I had a chance on Monday to meet up with a new little life, his mom, and for a few minutes, his dad. His dad and I go way back; like 4 years old or something, and have somehow retained an ever changing relationship. What I love most about him is that he was always there for me when I needed a loving voice of reason (me? need reason?). What I have been missing is that I don't know the girl he married. So Monday was important to say the least. I met little T and got to spend a chunk of time just talking to K. Which was wonderful. I knew that we had to have something in common because, well we're both girls that T chose to have in his life, K as a wonderful wife, and me as a friend. K shares this crazy persuasion I have that women need to be educated, really just in general, but moreso about their bodies (especially their reproductive options and rights). On top of all that, I love hanging out with people that are honest, truthful, and very real and upfront about things, and K definitely has all of that going for her. I can't even explain how much I appreciated her honesty and sensitivity. Pretty sure that I made a friend, and an awesome one at that. I'm so thankful that we got this chance and that I get to stop by next week to see K and little T again!

In other news, I've been working on a project about infertility. Have to use peer reviewed academic journal articles. The one that fit into the guidelines of the project best was one that stated those with infertility do not demonstrate a psychological state or strain any different from the average population. In fact, those experiencing infertility that DO exhibit depression or any other heightened psychological state are people who probably had anxieties and neuroses before their stint with infertility. I completely read the study multiple times and the process they used to cull information seemed pretty good to me, as thorough as you can achieve without providing a result-skewing incentive. So were all of these people lying, or is infertility no more devastating than a bankruptcy? I guess they are not saying that we not in pain or distress, but by arriving at the conclusion that infertility is apparently equally devastating to any other life occurrence, is kind of belittling to me. Maybe I had previous anxieties and was incredibly neurotic, infertility and loss has just given me something to focus all of this into. I realize that the other direction results in someone assigning severity to different experiences, which just don't work. And the majority of the participants in the study either had a definitive diagnosis or achieved pregnancy. Answers help, I know they do, but I don't know that they would erase the pain and grief. More on this later.