My October

A house that I know we built. Cream colored, a spacious overhang for rainy days. The leaves have turned red brown orange yellow and create a carpet at my feet that crunches as I walk. Mid-October, wearing jeans, black zip-up jacket. The air is crisp, but not cold enough to hurt my lungs. The sun is setting at the edge of the field behind the trees. It is huge golden orange and looks ready to burst. The light that remains is bright and coming in at an angle. I hear voices coming from around the corner of the house: a deep teasing voice and a little girl's shriek. Turning the corner I see C, older, wiser and hanging our little girl up by her foot. No wonder she's screaming. He's still in his dirty work clothes, but she obviously didn't care when she started attacking him. I hear him tell her about the goblins that eat little girls who don't do exactly what their daddies say.

There's more, but my words aren't painting the picture I'd rather photograph. Ever get that feeling? I was asked in class last night what I do with my creativity when not unleashing it on the innocent class (which has been so good for me in so very many ways) and I said that I use it to annoy C. That's pretty accurate. I also do this. I wonder. I ponder. I love. I think. I write. I capture moments and treasure them. I have occasional dreams about twins and freakishly long hairs. I try to be nice, useful, and supportive. You know, I live my life, which is what I intend to keep doing whether I achieve all of my goals or not. There is something to be said for moving forward while remembering the past. You are constantly determining who you will become by making choices right now, for the results of your past decisions have formed who you are now.

Here I go again. Not in an up or down mood, but a reflective one full of unspoken words, unseen pictures, and a desire to see what is right around the bend. We're going home this weekend and I'm going to keep looking for the parts of life I want and decide how to gather them to me. Does anyone want to teach me how to knit?